A Vision of Recovery

The first sentence of this story begins with "I thought I was different because I'm an ........"

This declaration of uniqueness is one that I have made multiple times in justifying drinking to myself. Whether it was the stress of my job, the loneliness of prior relationships or the challenges of three teenagers I somehow was convinced that these were different from the millions of other people in the world who experience the same every day.

While it may not be a character defect per se, it is another area I need to be reminded of on a regular basis - I am an average, ordinary run of the mill drunk. No better and no worse than the alcoholic who still suffers. I visited one such suffering alcoholic yesterday. It saddened me to see him and I wonder if I could have done more, but ultimately he needs to decide he is worth it. I cannot convince him of that.

My thoughts on the last assigned reading for Step One are below:

"I was honest with God and really wanted God's help. From that day on I knew that I had found a higher power and that He would help me"

• For me, this statement personifies surrender. When I finally surrendered to my disease, that it was in fact more powerful than I and made my life unmanageable. When I finally surrendered to that power that is greater than I am, the one that I am told will return me to sanity if I simply let go and allow it to.
  

"I now understand that the spiritual malady should be my main concern and that the more faith I have, the fewer problems I will have."

• For me, this statement personifies surrender. When I finally surrendered to my disease, that it was in fact more powerful than I and made my life unmanageable. When I finally surrendered to that power that is greater than I am, the one that I am told will return me to sanity if I simply let go and allow it to.

"I just know that more happiness is to come into my life as I 'trudge the road of happy destiny'"

• A day at a time, making the next right decision, first things first, go to meetings and don't drink, get a sponsor and work the steps. These make up the path of a destiny that is in fact happy, joyous and free.