It Might Have Been Worse .....

Second Assignment - Pages 352 to 355 focus on the first step of powerlessness and unmanageability. The guiding principle for the first step is Honesty (I believe). My honest thoughts regarding these sentences of substance"

"There comes a time when you don't want to live and are afraid to die"

• This was how I felt (somewhat) on Friday, April 29th. Not so much that I did not want to live, but I truly understood for the first time why someone would feel that way. That allowed me to fully surrender (again) and stop the insanity that I could stop on my own.
  

"We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our life had become unmanageable. This didn't say we had to be in jail ten, fifty or a hundred times."

• This reminds me of my rationalization during my orientation for treatment on Wednesday. As noted, I started to think and that thinking led me to the brilliant conclusion that I really did not need to be there, since 'everyone else was court ordered'. Funny, on Friday I found out that this was not accurate in the slightest.
  

"Most certainly I was powerless over alcohol and for me, my life had become unmanageable. It wasn't how for I had gone but where I was headed."

• I remember many years ago someone talking to me about 'hitting our bottom'. "There is no rule that one must lose their family, their job or their freedom before they reach their lowest point. On the other hand, they will most certainly experience all of those scenario's if that is what it takes for them to make a change". As my sponsor so wisely reminded me, those court-ordered simply were caught. So do I need to wait to get caught?
  

"I was told that I must want sobriety for my own sake, and I am convinced that is true."

• This is certainly not a new concept to me. This is just a good reminder for me that sobriety is always and must always be my highest priority. I can have none of my other priorities if I do not have sobriety.

Today is a great day.