My first day at treatment - orientation threw me for a loop. Much more out-of-pocket money than I was expecting and very much a feeling that I was just another in a line of people to collect from. Then as the larger orientation group, it was a lot of do's and dont's for court ordered folks. I decided right there that I was in the wrong place. The intake counselor simply chose the longest program to get the most insurance dollars from me. Then I saw someone from my Sat. Morning AA meeting, and not wanting him to see me I hid around the corner.
When my wife returned to join me for the seminar (family members get to be at the seminars that are every other Wednesday), I got in the car and told her I was not staying in the program, that it was just for court ordered folks and that I did not need all of it. I said we should just stay for the seminar since we were there. Then a truck parked in front of us in a way that meant we could not leave anyway. My wife was noticeably upset, but did not say anything - we just went in.
After I sat down, I said the serenity prayer and took a deep breath. I then said a brief prayer for my wife. I then had a sense that in fact I would stay for the term of treatment, even though I despise the amount I need to spend (money is a character defect of mine, so maybe this is also being done for a reason).
During the break, she said she needed to go to the car to get her water. While I was walking down to take my UA I saw her in the parking lot on the phone. She was talking to her al-Anon sponsor. I called out to my friend from the Saturday AA Meeting and said hello. We spoke for a few minutes - he was there supporting his daughter who is in treatment. He was supportive of me and I was glad to not be ashamed to be seen by him.
The seminar was regarding addiction as a disease and how it affects the brain. It was a very good presentation. It was a great experience to share with my wife.
We then went to grab a bite to eat. My wife had two responses to my "reasons that I should not be at treatment" that she was ready with in case I (God) had not already changed my mind on my (his) own.
- Just court ordered folks - "Do we have to wait until you get arrested then?"
- Too much money - "Are you saying that your wife and children are not worth that amount?"
I don't - I just be quiet and do what I am shown to do next. I am blessed to have the wife that I have. I am blessed to have the friends that I have. I am blessed to have the sponsor I have.
That is not kissing ass - just being grateful.
Good Night
