"But I am not hurting anyone else...."

That is another of those lies an alcoholic tells himself when he is in his or her using cycle.

On the way home from work yesterday, as I saw my wife struggling with her emotions of hurt and anger. She was telling herself she did not know why she was upset, that she had nothing to be upset about. Then she said she needed to be strong and that the focus was supposed to be on me not her right now.

No wonder she was so conflicted inside. Nobody should have to go through the day that their needs and feelings are secondary or less important than another persons. My brief relapse has caused real pain within my wife, who has every right to express that pain in a healthy (though not necessarily enjoyable) manner.

Part of being human is knowing at some time in our life we will hurt and/or disappoint those we love the most. That does not make it any easier to observe.

I have many, many amends to make in my life to this woman I cherish so dearly.